R.I.P. Cristian Charles Hammons – 1/12/1994 – 12/1/2015

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I’ve been reluctant to write this post for a couple of months now, in part because I don’t usually use this forum for posting personal stuff, and in part because I didn’t know what to say. I’ve got another post in mind, however, and I felt like I needed to give this topic the respect it needed before I could pick up where I left off. Bear with me.

On December 1, 2015, my nephew took his own life.

No matter how many ways I tried to write that previous sentence, none of them seemed to adequately capture what I’m thinking or want to say, so I’ll leave it alone and try to finish this post. Cris was a smart, funny, kind young man with whom I didn’t spend near enough time as he grew up; I really only got to know him over Facebook as an adult, and I loved him.

He had battled depression for years, and he lost the war. He left behind a grieving fiance, a set of in-laws who loved him very much, his mother (my sister), grandparents, great-aunts, great-uncles; all of us were shocked, and I didn’t realize how much I would miss him.

Family is important, y’all. Don’t miss out, and don’t let anything keep you from loving yours.

Me and Cris, circa 1995

2016-02-17 by Stuart Ainsworth Health 2

Three Phrases I’m Eliminating From My Vocabulary

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” – Luke 6:45

Been doing a lot of reflecting lately on my goals in life, and I realized that I complain. A lot. Complaining is good when it leads to change (i.e. complaining about your sibling to your mom MAY cause their behavior to change), but complaints without action just lead to bitterness. I don’t want to be bitter, so I’ve recently started getting rid of these three phrases.

“I didn’t have enough time.”

Variants of this include “I didn’t get everything done I wanted to do”, “I’m not blogging enough”, “my career’s not as far along as it should be”, and “I didn’t make MVP again? Bummer”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making excuses for not completing things; I’m just trying to figure out ways to not complain about it. There’s never enough time in the day to do everything, and I completed what I spent time on. If I’m not satisfied with the outcome, it’s because I made the wrong choice, not that I didn’t have enough time. The trick is to figure out what I want and choose the right path.

“I’m fat.”

My clothes don’t fit right, and I’m sitting here at a table writing this blog and polishing off a bag of Doritos. To me, exercise is waddling my way from the fridge to my chair, and I wonder why I struggle with my weight? Again, complaints without action do nothing but make you bitter. I’m reading on Facebook about how several of my friends are turning to activity to drop weight and become healthy, happy, people. Maybe the first step is to quit reading Facebook.

“I’m tired.”

Variant of phrase two, but not quite the same thing. To me, fatigue has become a synonym for boredom. Instead of enjoying the moment, I spend 15 minutes complaining about how much work it was to get involved in the moment, and I miss half of the fun. It’s natural to be tired, but it should never stand in the way of getting the most out of life.

Summary

Again, I’m not necessarily to the point of taking action to correct all of the deficiencies in my life; I am, however, just about done with griping and moaning. Life is what you make of it, and I want to make more out of mine.

my amazing life

I don’t often talk about personal stuff on this blog (it’s CODEgumbo; not LIFEgumbo), but a lot’s happened in the last few weeks, so I thought I’d share a bit. Besides, I was on a roll for blogging for a bit there, and then suddenly stopped; I figured I should at least attempt to explain what happened Smile . So let me explain in chronological order (with a few flashbacks) what’s been going on with me lately.

I’m a dad, again….

Evan Stuart Ainsworth was born on June 25, 2013. It’s been 14 years since I’ve had a baby in the house, so it’s a complete reboot. I’ve been totally unprepared for the joys and trials of having a baby; I kept thinking it was going to be easy, but I guess I forgot how worn out you feel all the time, and I’m just the dad. I don’t understand the sheer strength my wife has; the kid eats all the time. And when he’s not eating, he’s either happy or mad; my nickname for him is the Hulk (“don’t make me angry”).

Before I go too much further with the story of Evan’s arrival, I should pause for a second and say how grateful I am for my two daughters (Isabel, 16, and Grace, 14); their world just got a little weirder, and they’ve stepped in and accepted it reasonably well. Blended families are tough, and I appreciate them for trying to balance their relationship with me, their stepmother, and their new little brother, as well as building a relationship with their mom (and her new family).

Anyway, while the birth of any kid is big life change, Evan is special. He was actually supposed to be an induced birth, so we were at the hospital when labor started. Betsy (my wife) was all hooked up to monitors, and labor was progressing when things went awry; during some of the contractions, Betsy suffered a condition known as a placental abruption, and Evan went into shock in utero. Within minutes, Betsy underwent an emergency C-section, and Evan was out within 15-30 minutes of the incident.

Betsy and I spent two weeks hanging out at the NICU, waiting on our little boy to get well; it wasn’t comfortable. Lots of stress, nowhere to really go, and too little time in between feedings for either of us to leave. Thankfully, Evan’s condition was relatively minor compared to many babies that spend time in the NICU, but it was still scary. When I say my prayers, I give thanks for the doctors and midwives at the hospital; without them, I don’t think either Betsy or Evan would be home with me today. After I give thanks, I then turn my thoughts toward the parents and families of children in the NICU.

I say all of this to explain that even while it’s tough coping to a new baby, I just laugh when I hear him cry. Life is a blessing, even in the everyday struggles.

I survived another trip around the sun

As of July 5, 2013, I am now twice-21. I’m a little slower, a little grayer, and happier than I’ve ever been. 42 is a lot more awesome than I thought it would be when I was 21. Besides, kids are supposed to keep you young, and if I keep having them, I should live forever.

I celebrated a second year of marriage

While I don’t share a lot about my personal life on my blog, I REALLY don’t talk a lot about my wife. As I pointed out above, this is my second marriage; my ex-wife and I separated in November 2009 after 14 years of marriage. If you go back and search older posts on here, you’ll find a few references to my original marriage scattered about; I try not to dwell on them too much, because I don’t really want to revisit those feelings. Let me just say that I spent a lot of my adult life trying to be happy and make someone love me, and I was only marginally successful.

After my divorce was final, I dated a few women and thought I would enjoy being single. And then I met Betsy. My wife is an amazing woman, and I don’t think I tell her that often enough. She loves me for being me, and its easy to love her. I’m happy every day; love is easy with the right person. At times it seems as though I just met her a week ago; at times, it seems as though life began when I met her. Enough mushy stuff by me; sing along with the Proclaimers. It’ll make you feel good.

And now back to our show

Hopefully, I’ll get back on track with technical blogging now that I’ve had some time to adjust to all the recent life events. Thanks for reading.

2013-07-15 by Stuart Ainsworth Blogging is FUN! The Social Web 2

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