Sometimes you just happen to be in the right place at the right time. I crashed Frank & Andy’s podcast, and had a lot of fun talking about Big Tech and layoffs and empathy and beards…. Click on the image below to get the podcast audio, or click here for the video stream on LinkedIn.
I’ve been reluctant to write this post for a couple of months now, in part because I don’t usually use this forum for posting personal stuff, and in part because I didn’t know what to say. I’ve got another post in mind, however, and I felt like I needed to give this topic the respect it needed before I could pick up where I left off. Bear with me.
On December 1, 2015, my nephew took his own life.
No matter how many ways I tried to write that previous sentence, none of them seemed to adequately capture what I’m thinking or want to say, so I’ll leave it alone and try to finish this post. Cris was a smart, funny, kind young man with whom I didn’t spend near enough time as he grew up; I really only got to know him over Facebook as an adult, and I loved him.
He had battled depression for years, and he lost the war. He left behind a grieving fiance, a set of in-laws who loved him very much, his mother (my sister), grandparents, great-aunts, great-uncles; all of us were shocked, and I didn’t realize how much I would miss him.
Family is important, y’all. Don’t miss out, and don’t let anything keep you from loving yours.
Me and Cris, circa 1995
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” – Luke 6:45
Been doing a lot of reflecting lately on my goals in life, and I realized that I complain. A lot. Complaining is good when it leads to change (i.e. complaining about your sibling to your mom MAY cause their behavior to change), but complaints without action just lead to bitterness. I don’t want to be bitter, so I’ve recently started getting rid of these three phrases.
Variants of this include “I didn’t get everything done I wanted to do”, “I’m not blogging enough”, “my career’s not as far along as it should be”, and “I didn’t make MVP again? Bummer”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making excuses for not completing things; I’m just trying to figure out ways to not complain about it. There’s never enough time in the day to do everything, and I completed what I spent time on. If I’m not satisfied with the outcome, it’s because I made the wrong choice, not that I didn’t have enough time. The trick is to figure out what I want and choose the right path.
My clothes don’t fit right, and I’m sitting here at a table writing this blog and polishing off a bag of Doritos. To me, exercise is waddling my way from the fridge to my chair, and I wonder why I struggle with my weight? Again, complaints without action do nothing but make you bitter. I’m reading on Facebook about how several of my friends are turning to activity to drop weight and become healthy, happy, people. Maybe the first step is to quit reading Facebook.
Variant of phrase two, but not quite the same thing. To me, fatigue has become a synonym for boredom. Instead of enjoying the moment, I spend 15 minutes complaining about how much work it was to get involved in the moment, and I miss half of the fun. It’s natural to be tired, but it should never stand in the way of getting the most out of life.
Again, I’m not necessarily to the point of taking action to correct all of the deficiencies in my life; I am, however, just about done with griping and moaning. Life is what you make of it, and I want to make more out of mine.
So, there it is. Two little lines, and BANG! I’m going to be a dad again. It’s been 14 years since I’ve last seen a positive pregnancy test, and I’ve got to tell you, the mixture of excitement and downright panic doesn’t really change. True, I’ve got a lot more experience under my belt, but then again, I’ve got a LOT more experience (I’ll be 42 in July). Wow.
We heard the heartbeat today, so my wife is officially 7 weeks along, and except for a few close friends and family members, we’ve been trying to stay quiet and think happy thoughts. We’re finally out of the woods far enough that I’m comfortable telling people.
Comfortable may not be the right word; I’m still slightly in shock, but I’m significantly more optimistic about the outcomes. I’m going to be a dad, again. It’s an amazing feeling.
My head is still swimming with the news, but I hope this explains why I haven’t blogged much over the last year, and why I probably will be sporadic for the next few years 
. IVF is a time-consuming process, but as I recall (sheesh, I sound like a geezer already), so is raising a baby. At least this time around I’ll have a couple of high-school students to help out. My two daughters are thrilled about the possibility of a little sibling; both are hoping for a brother, but as my mom put it, my “track record’s not so great in that area”.
Other words of wisdom from my mom: “you better get your ass to a gym.” I’ve got less than 9 months to get into the best shape of my life; I’ll have a rugrat to wrestle. Life is good, and I need to be around for a long time to enjoy it.
As February draws to a close, I thought I’d do a quick check-up to see how well I was keeping up with my New Year’s resolution list. In sum: not great, but not too bad, either. I need to make some adjustments, but I think I can pull it back in.
Here’s the rundown (copied and pasted from the original, with some notes below):
I think I’m doing OK on this one; I haven’t really done great this month, but I have spent a little time each month working on something new.
Spent a little time studying, but I need to get on this.
I have two presentations scheduled for SQL Saturday 70 next month.
See the above point; as I learn, I blog. I did miss the T-SQL Tuesday blog for Feb (which makes me sad).
I’ve done this; I’m moving on to something larger.
Started Weight Watchers and have lost about 10 pounds so far. Have tapered off a bit, and I need to get back on this bandwagon.
How about irregularly?
Blech. I did OK for about two days.
Does Diet Coke count as water? Sigh; it looks like I’m not doing so hot in the Health area.
Checked out a church; didn’t like it.
Mixed results on this; while I think I do a great job at spending time with my kids and my future bride, I’m still struggling with ways to handle conflict in a positive fashion. My strategy now is direct confrontation, rather than continuing to tap-dance around issues.
See above.
Need to do better about this.
Not really making a lot of headway here; this one may have to wait until my fiancee and I combine households (thus saving on rent payments).
Ditto.
There you have it; a mixed bag. I think I’m making some positive steps in the right direction, but I’ve still got a long way to go.
Obviously, with the start of the New Year, there will be a flood of posts on the blogosphere regarding resolutions to change bad behaviors and adopt new good ones; why should I be any different? There’s lots of things I want to change about myself, and I figure I should put them out there and see how I’m doing over the year. So, with little fanfare, here’s my list of challenges I plan to tackle for 2011 (broken up in to categories and subcategories for easy reference):
Anyway, there you have it: my New Year’s resolutions for 2011. May it be a good year for all.
For those of you who are interested, yes, I have continued to lose weight 🙂 Not as quick as before, as illustrated by the following chart:
Over 22 days, I’m down 5.6 pounds, with an average drop of 2.82 pounds during that period. All I’ve done is three simple things:
1. Change what I eat: more veggies, more fiber, less carbs.
2. Change WHEN I eat: I eat when I’m hungry (a little snack in between regular meals), but I never eat after 7 pm.
3. Exercise AT LEAST 15 minutes a day. Mostly doing strength training (I hate aerobic exercise), but if I do strength training, I do it at a high rate of speed.
Looking forward to a loss of 20 pounds by June. Now back to your typical geek jargon 🙂
Not going to be a long post; I’ve got a major report due for work tomorrow, so I’m sitting at Schlotzky’s (I really should buy stock), waiting on the kids to get out.
* SQLSaturday is going well. Just picked up speaker shirts and gift mugs today, and they look awesome. Sent the check to Microsoft a couple of days late, but hopefully they won’t dump us. Started cleaning the roster from lunch no-pays, only to discover there’s a bug in our pay process, and a lot of people did pay. I think Andy Warren is just going to pay for everybody’s lunch next time rather than put up with me (just kidding, Andy).
* A couple of weeks ago, I started talking about the impact of Facebook on my own personal appearance. I’m proud to announce I’ve lost 5 pounds so far, and I’m determined to lose the next 5 by next Wednesday. My secret? Lots of veggies, very few carbs, and a lot of exercise. We’ll see what happpens.
* Anyway, Microsoft is coming in to the office next week to show us what SSAS and SSRS can do for us. I dread meetings like this because I’ve rarely met a consultant that doesn’t have the “I-have-a-hammer-and-that-looks-like-a-nail” mentality. It’s a good excuse to update documentation (which we’ve been needing to do, but it’s hard to justify hours for).
Continuing in my observations of my Facebook experience, I’ve noticed something else beyond just the collision of worlds; Facebook interactions often lead to self-reflection on physical attributes. In other words,
People want to see what you look like. You can’t hide physical features like on a traditional forum environment; there’s a strong pressure to post pictures of not only who you were (because most of your friends on Facebook are going to be people in the past), but who you are now. In my case, the who I am now could probably eat the who I was then for breakfast.
As a side note, I have noticed that most of the women I went to high school with have aged very well; if they were cute at 16, they’re beautiful now. Most of the men… well, let’s just say that I’m not the only one who didn’t hold up well over the years 🙂
A focus on the physical is not necessarily a bad thing; while part of me is now increasingly self-conscious about the fact that I have changed over the years, that self-consciousness may save my life. When I graduated high school, I weighed 120 lbs; college, 130. First Master’s? 180 (I had started working out, and was in pretty good shape at that point). Three years ago, (after long since ceasing regular physical exercise) I crossed the 300 pound mark. I started having some health issues, and I’ve been working out since then, and am now at 260. Looking at my friends on Facebook, I’m determined I’m going to get down to 220 by the time of my high school reunion (in August; 5 months). Facebook’s focus on the physical is going to be my motivation.
I realize that my true friends from high school don’t care that “there’s more of me to love”, and that an obsession over looks can be unhealthy, but I’m trying to put a positive spin on this; I need to get healthy. Seeing my friends that have been successful at that over the years is inspiring, and I want to be a part of that.
If you’re a religious person, you recognize the significance of this day; if not, here’s the Wikipedia entry. Read up; it’s good for you.
I know I’m not the most religious person, but my faith is actually pretty important to me; I do believe that there is a certain value in seeking out Truth, and I’m often comforted in times of stress by certain rituals. For Lent this year, I’ve decided I want to put my faith into practice and take on two disciplines:
1. I want to read the Bible daily. I plan to spend 15 minutes a day reading Scripture; I’ve neglected my spiritual side for far too long.
2. I want to spend at least 15 minutes a day in exercise. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind, and I’ve never been able to shake this excess weigt I’ve picked up over the last few years. If I can work out every day for 40 days, it can become a habit, and a good one at that.
Peace.
Stu